Week 13 — Re-See the Draft, Then Cut the Deadwood

Assignment 12 of the term — plan a global revision from a reverse outline, cut deadwood from one paragraph without cutting a claim, recombine its choppy sentences, and explain the two passes to someone outside the course.

This adaptive assignment uses a coaching dialogue to help you turn a first attempt into a revision a reader can trust: a structure that keeps its promises and sentences that carry their weight. You remain the author. The coach asks questions, checks the reasoning you show, and waits for you to revise before it produces the required report. In Week 4 you learned the reverse outline as a planning check; this week it becomes your fastest global-revision tool, and the concision you previewed in Week 5 gets its full toolkit. This week's lecture tutorial, quiz, discussion, and Writing Studio practise the same moves from other angles; this assignment is where you put them together.

The task

Your material is an illustrative workplace memo, written for this course and attributed to no one. A staff member at a small design firm is proposing a change to how the firm runs its meetings. The memo's thesis reads: "The firm should end every all-staff meeting with a written list of actions and owners, because decisions now get lost after meetings and the list takes only a few minutes to write."

Part A — plan the global revision. The memo has six paragraphs. Here is its reverse outline, one Does note per paragraph:

1. Introduces the problem and states the thesis.
2. Gives an example of a decision lost after a meeting.
3. Gives a second example of a decision lost after a meeting.
4. Describes the history of the firm's meeting room.
5. Steel-mans the objection that meetings already run long, and rebuts it.
6. Closes the case.

Work this problem, showing your reasoning:

1. The memo has 6 paragraphs. The reverse outline shows 1 pair that should be merged into one paragraph, 1 paragraph to cut, and 1 missing paragraph to add. How many paragraphs will the revised memo have?

Name the pair to merge, the paragraph to cut, and the thesis promise that has no paragraph of its own, and say where the new paragraph belongs. Then explain in 2–3 sentences why none of these problems could be found or fixed by editing sentences.

Part B — cut, combine, and choose the voice. Here is the memo's second paragraph, as drafted:

"At this point in time, decisions that each and every one of us agreed on in a meeting are really easy to lose. On one recent project, the team came to a decision about the client's logo colors. Nobody wrote it down. The old colors were used by two designers. The client was upset."

Work the second problem:

1. The draft paragraph in Part B has 54 words, and its four pieces of deadwood take up 13 of them. If those four pieces shrink to the 3 words that carry their meaning, how many words remain?

The four pieces are "At this point in time," "each and every," "really," and "came to a decision." Name the kind of deadwood each one is (inflated phrase, redundancy, empty intensifier, or buried verb) and write your cut version of the first two sentences. List every claim the paragraph makes and confirm each one survives your cut. Then combine the last three choppy sentences using at least one coordination or subordination, with the commas each needs, and end on the idea you want the reader to remember. Finally, decide whether "The old colors were used by two designers." should stay passive or become active, and give your reason: does this reader need the doer, or is the doer deliberately kept in the background?

Explain it to a non-expert

A new coworker on your team says revising a report means "running spell-check and fixing the commas." Write a 3–5 sentence message that explains, in everyday words, the difference between fixing what a document says and how it is built, and editing its sentences, and why the big pass comes first. Use your Part A plan as your example. Name one honest limit — for example, that a short message may need only the second pass. Explain any term your coworker might not know.

For a different, ungraded example, imagine a friend writing a garage-sale flyer who has spent an hour choosing fonts but listed the wrong street. Model answer: "Before you pick fonts, check that the flyer says the right thing: the address, the hours, and what you are selling. A beautiful flyer with the wrong street sends people to the wrong house. Once the facts are right, then make the words short and easy to read. If the flyer is three lines long, you can do both at once, but on anything longer, fix what it says first."

Use that pattern for your coworker, with your own explanation of your plan.

Reflect on your revision

After you revise, answer one of these two options in 2–4 sentences; they carry the same weight:

• (a) Which cut in your Part B paragraph did you first make too deep, removing a claim instead of deadwood, and how did you notice?
• (b) Which change in your Part A plan most changes what the memo argues, and why could no sentence edit have made that change?

Part 1 — Student instructions

1. Draft Part A, Part B, and your message to your coworker before opening a chatbot.
2. Open any course-approved chatbot. Copy the entire Coach Prompt box, including its first and last marker lines, and paste it as one message. The coach will ask for your draft and then work one question at a time.
3. Answer in your own words. Use the coach's feedback to revise at least one part of your plan, your cut, or your combined sentences, even if your first attempt was strong, and then answer reflection option (a) or (b).
4. Continue until the prompt's exit condition is met.
5. Save the chat's share link and copy the final report exactly as the coach gives it.

The chatbot is a coach, not a ghostwriter. It must draw out your reasoning rather than cut, combine, or rewrite your sentences for you. If it offers you a "tighter" version, compare its claims with yours before you take a single word of it.

Coach Prompt

COPY EVERYTHING BELOW THIS LINE
ROLE: You are a careful writing coach for a first-year college writing course. Draw out and challenge MY thinking about revision and style. Do not write my revision plan, my cut paragraph, my combined sentences, my voice decision, or my message for me, do not "tighten" my sentences into smooth generic wording, and do not invent work I did not show.

ASSIGNMENT: Work through these two problems in order, one at a time. Do not invent, replace, or reorder a problem. My material is an illustrative workplace memo, written for my course and attributed to no one. Its thesis: The firm should end every all-staff meeting with a written list of actions and owners, because decisions now get lost after meetings and the list takes only a few minutes to write. Its reverse outline, one Does note per paragraph: (1) introduces the problem and states the thesis; (2) gives an example of a decision lost after a meeting; (3) gives a second example of a decision lost after a meeting; (4) describes the history of the firm's meeting room; (5) steel-mans the objection that meetings already run long, and rebuts it; (6) closes the case. Its second paragraph as drafted: At this point in time, decisions that each and every one of us agreed on in a meeting are really easy to lose. On one recent project, the team came to a decision about the client's logo colors. Nobody wrote it down. The old colors were used by two designers. The client was upset.
PROBLEM P1: The memo has 6 paragraphs. The reverse outline shows 1 pair that should be merged into one paragraph, 1 paragraph to cut, and 1 missing paragraph to add. How many paragraphs will the revised memo have?
PROBLEM P2: The draft paragraph in Part B has 54 words, and its four pieces of deadwood take up 13 of them. If those four pieces shrink to the 3 words that carry their meaning, how many words remain?
For P1 I must also name the pair to merge, the paragraph to cut, the thesis promise with no paragraph, and where the new paragraph goes, and explain why no sentence edit could find or fix these problems. For P2 I must also name the kind of each piece of deadwood, write my cut of the first two sentences, list the paragraph's claims and confirm each survives, combine the last three sentences with coordination or subordination and correct commas, end on the idea I want remembered, and decide whether the passive sentence stays passive, with a reason; then write a 3-5 sentence message to a coworker in everyday words that names one limit. After revising, I answer reflection option (a) or (b) from my assignment page.
The course meanings I must use: global revision re-sees a draft's thesis, structure, argument, and evidence; local editing works on sentences and surface, after the global pass; a reverse outline notes what each paragraph says and what job it does, then I read only the notes; concision means every word earns its place and cuts words that do no work, not ideas; deadwood comes in four kinds: inflated phrases, redundancy, empty intensifiers, and buried verbs; coordination joins equal ideas with a word such as and or but; subordination makes one idea depend on another with a word such as when or although; emphasis falls on the end of a sentence and on the main clause; the passive voice is correct grammar and the right choice when the doer is unknown, beside the point, or deliberately kept in the background.

SCORING CRITERIA: Score only evidence I supply, out of 100 points. Global revision plan (P1): 30 if I name the repeating pair, the paragraph with no job, and the thesis promise with no paragraph, place the new paragraph before the counterargument, get the paragraph count without error, and explain why sentence editing could not find these problems; 18 if the count is right and two of the three findings are named, or all three are named but the explanation is missing; 8 if a plan or a count is attempted but it treats sentence fixes as the global pass; 0 otherwise. Concision and deadwood (P2): 25 if I name the right kind for all four pieces, get the count of remaining words without error, cut the first two sentences without losing a claim, and list the claims I kept; 15 if the count and the cut are right but one kind is misnamed or the claim list is missing; 5 if a cut is attempted but it removes a claim or keeps most of the deadwood; 0 if no cut. Sentence variety, emphasis, and voice (P2): 15 if the last three sentences are combined by coordination or subordination with correct commas, end on a deliberately chosen idea, and the voice decision is made with a reason about the doer; 9 if the combining is sound but the voice decision has no reason or the ending is not explained; 3 if combining is attempted but a comma is missing or the sentences are only joined with and throughout; 0 if missing. Plain-language explanation for a non-expert (P2): 15 if the message to my coworker uses everyday words, explains why fixing what a document says comes before editing its sentences, and names a limit; 8 if it can be followed but omits the limit or leaves a term unexplained; 0 if missing. Revision and reflection (P2): 15 if I show a before-and-after change prompted by feedback plus a reflection on why it is better; 8 if only one of the two; 0 if neither.

Do NOT invent grading rules.

DIALOGUE RULES: Ask exactly one question per message and wait for my answer. Start by asking for my complete first attempt. Build each next question from my exact words. When I cut a phrase, ask me which claim, if any, it carried. When I combine sentences, ask me which idea is the main one and where the comma goes. Keep the conversation focused on questions rather than completed work, and take no side on any public question.

ENGAGEMENT GUARDS: A greeting, copied prompt, yes/no reply, or one-word answer is not a substantive exchange. Do not flatter or accept agreement as evidence. Praise only a concrete move I made. If evidence is missing, say what is missing and ask for it. Require a real revision plus a short reflection on why the revision is better. Do not issue the report early.

EXIT CONDITION: Continue until at least five substantive exchanges have occurred AND I have supplied both problems with their revision plan, deadwood names, cut, claim list, combined sentences, voice decision, and message AND revised at least one part AND reflected on the revision. Stop only after whichever requirement happens last.

REPORT: After the exit condition is satisfied, output exactly these labelled lines in this order. Replace X with the exact earned score. Base every line only on evidence in this chat; write "Not supplied" for missing evidence and never raise the score for polished chatbot prose.
STUDENT'S SCORE: X/100
EVIDENCE FOR THE SCORE: [specific evidence from my revision plan, deadwood names, cut, combined sentences, voice decision, and message]
REVISION MADE: [what I changed and why]
STRENGTH: [one earned strength]
NEXT STEP: [one concrete improvement]
Then tell me to submit this report, my revised work, and the share link.
COPY EVERYTHING ABOVE THIS LINE

Deliverables

Submit these three items in the assignment entry:

• your revised work: the Part A revision plan and explanation; your Part B deadwood names, cut sentences, claim list, combined sentences, and voice decision; your message to your coworker; and your reflection — written, or recorded as audio or video with a transcript; every form is graded by the same scoring criteria;
• the coach's five-line report; and
• the conversation share link.

Submit in any accessible file type or as a link; a recorded response may be submitted as audio or video with a transcript, or as text.

Equivalent route (no AI required)

This route assesses the same Week 13 skills — planning a global revision from a reverse outline, cutting deadwood without cutting a claim, combining sentences and placing emphasis, choosing the active or passive voice on purpose, and explaining the two passes to someone outside the course — for comparable time and effort, about 90 minutes, the same as the coached route. Complete Part A, Part B, the message to your coworker, and one reflection option. Then audit your own first draft against the attached scoring criteria, criterion by criterion: check each Does note against the thesis's two promises, read your cut sentences beside the originals and tick off every claim, mark the main clause in each combined sentence, and circle every comma and say why it is there. Write a second draft. Add a 150–200 word revision memo that names one change you made, the check that prompted it, and one question you still have. Submit the revised work, your completed criteria checklist, and the revision memo in the assignment entry; together they replace the share link and the coach's report. This route uses the same scoring criteria and the same points, with no penalty for choosing it.

How you'll be graded

The full analytic rubric is attached to this assignment in Canvas.

Academic integrity and AI use

The revision plan, the deadwood names, the cut, the combined sentences, the voice decision, the message, the revision, and the reflection must be your own words. Do not ask the chatbot to write or "tighten" any of them. A chatbot's shorter version of a sentence is a draft to check: compare its claims and your own phrasing before and after, and reject any cut that changed either. Submit an honest share link from your own dialogue. The equivalent route keeps the same workload and evidence and requires no AI account.

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